Dog jokes
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
Why does Donald Trump smell like dog shit? Cuz he's a dawg!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
Did you know that dogs started the street craps game?
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
A dog gets adopted.
If your hot dog tastes like a piece of wood, who are you going to call?
"Ghost Musterd."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"