Dog Jokes

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!

What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.

What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.

An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

What’s white and sticky? A white man's penis after taking care of his neighbor's dog.

A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?

The wiener.

What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."

The other said, "Really? I like my bed."

I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

Dad fucked Mom.

Mom fucked son.

Son fucked sister.

Sister fucked dog.

Dog fucked cat.

Cat fucked bird.

Bird fucked fish.

Fish fucked Dad.

Dad really liked it!

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A Doberman in a playground.