Dog jokes
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
What do dogs eat? Dog food.
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
What is the difference between a tree and a dog?
A dog can walk and a tree cannot walk.
Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.
Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
Why are trees afraid of dogs? Because they bark.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.
Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
I named my dog "J," and everyone thought I said "jam."
We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.