DOE jokes
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"
What does Kurt have in common with painters?
They paint walls.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?
Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
What kind of bride does the pedo icon like? A "maik order" bride. Why? The male part.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
Why does this exist?
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
"Ligma" is a disease, so does that mean "ligma balls?"
What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?
Long sleeves.
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
Why do all of Oliver Anthony's songs sound like "shit"?
Answer: Because he sucks!
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
Everyone knows why 6 is scared of 7, cuz 7 8 9.
But why does 10 have PTSD?
Cuz it’s between 9/11.
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!
What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?
One goes up and one goes down.