I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?
DOE Jokes
What does NASA stand for?
Need a star A.S.A.P.!
How many gears does a French tank have?
One forward and six reverse.
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
Why does Mario eat mushrooms?
Because he's a very fungi!
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
Why does this exist?
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
Everyone knows why 6 is scared of 7, cuz 7 8 9.
But why does 10 have PTSD?
Cuz it’s between 9/11.
"Ligma" is a disease, so does that mean "ligma balls?"
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?
Long sleeves.
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
Why do all of Oliver Anthony's songs sound like "shit"?
Answer: Because he sucks!
