DOE jokes
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
Why does a kid in a wheelchair get bullied? Because he can’t stand up for himself.
Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.
Pokémon
What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.
What is a tree that does not exist?
A money tree.
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
What does Trump stand for?
Trump Runs Underneath My Penis.
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
What sound does an Indian make when you're trying to fuck it? ieieieie.
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
White 40 year olds love little white kids, and so does Trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter!
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
Does anyone else like Tacos? C'mon let's Taco 'bout it!!! :p Hey, Tacos are made of atoms too......