DOE jokes

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?

What does WTC stand for?

"What Trade Centre?"

Why is jelly laughing a lot?

Because his friend goes nuts!

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?

A: At least one does something when it is triggered.

What does an orphan call a family picture?

A selfie.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”

I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.

What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?

They both got taken out by two jets.

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.

What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?

They both enjoy digging up the past.

What song does Kobe Bryant hate?

"Rocky Mountain High."

Why does everyone call me racist?

My shadow is black.

What does a dog do in a dresser?

It pants!

How many Daveons does it take to change a lightbulb? None, he prefers to stay in the dark.

How does Daveon like his coffee? Decaf-eon.