DOE jokes
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
What does NASA stand for?
Need Another Seven Astronauts!
These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.
And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!
When does a cub become a Boy Scout?
When he eats his first brownie.
What does Michael Jackson like?
Teabags.
Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.
One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."
"How many men does your wife have?"
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
Nah, I'm Hawaiian but I'm also Japanese. So does that mean I bombed my own harbor?
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.