Disease jokes
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Son: Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother had diabetes.
What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
Monke
You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?
..... She had cancer.... ;)
What's the best haircut?
Chemotherapy.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribble.
When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!
Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.
"(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:
......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....
STUMP: TEENY DICK
BUMP: TINY TIT
GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP: AN ASS
DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!
.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')
"OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."
It's so sad that Stephen Hawking has a whole category on here about him and he can't stand up for himself.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.