Disease Jokes

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."

Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?

Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!

What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.

I asked my mom with cerebral palsy a question.

Still waiting on an answer.

Yo mama so stupid, she made Patrick run away because he thought it was contagious! 🤣

What is Stephen Hawking's best side?

The left.

What did COVID say to the American?

Nothing, it just took its breath away...

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

I was bullying Stephen Hawking. I told him, "Why not stand up for yourself?"

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?

No, well neither has he.

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?

There's no stage 5.

If just Africa had more mosquito nets, millions of innocent mosquitoes could be saved from a horrible death of AIDS.

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.

For so long, I thought I was a Gemini, apparently I'm Cancer!

Stephen Hawking's least favorite song is "I'm Still Standing."

Fe fi foung better run and hide: Covid (really).