Disease jokes
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
Want one way to get a free haircut?
Call the cancer hotline.
Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS.
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
Bro, if you have anorexia, you have no skin at all.