Disease jokes
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
Bro, if you have anorexia, you have no skin at all.
All zodiac signs have their hairstyles. Except cancer.
I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.
How do you know someone is autistic?
They get stuck in a loop very often.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle, except Cancer.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?
Maracas.