Disease jokes
How do you know someone is autistic?
They get stuck in a loop very often.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle, except Cancer.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?
Maracas.
What do you call a son of Gilgamesh that hates flashy lights? The epileptic of Gilgamesh.
You have a problem with jokes about dementia? That's funny, I don't remember asking.
You're so fat that you cause your heart to have panic attacks.
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.
It's a canariel disease, untweetable.
You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."