Disease jokes
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?
OJ couldn’t kill cancer.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
What's black and eats Kitty?
Serval cancer.
My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
What do you call a javelin thrower with Parkinson’s?
Shakespeare.
If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.
Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.
Which is more disabling, is it autism or Down syndrome?
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
If laughter is contagious, Kris's jokes are immunity.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.