Disease jokes
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"
I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!
Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.
Q' What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite type of comedy?
A. I forget.
I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.
She literally died a crazy bitch.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?
"Baby, now we got bad blood."
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.