My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
What do you call a javelin thrower with Parkinson’s?
Shakespeare.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Which is more disabling, is it autism or Down syndrome?
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
If laughter is contagious, Kris's jokes are immunity.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
If LAUGHTER is the best medicine, BLESSEDBRIAN'S JOKES are the disease.
All countries will get Covid.
Except China, they got it right off the bat.
What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.
It’s called Finding Chemo.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
COVID-19 is like pasta.
Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.
