Disease jokes
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
AIDS?
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."
Symptoms of Schizophrenia.
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations