Disease jokes
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
AIDS?
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."
Symptoms of Schizophrenia.
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?
He didn’t; he never did.
He's in a wheelchair.