Disease

Disease jokes

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How come lepers don't play cards?

Well, if they lose a couple of hands...

A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.

Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.

Guy #2: Why, what is it?

Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.

Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...

Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!

What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?

Little Seizures.

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    • "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"

    "Dave who?"

    Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

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    • When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

    What did the doctor say to the potato?

    It told it it had tuberculosis.

    A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”

    She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

    To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

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    • One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

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