Disease jokes

How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."

"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.

"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

What STD can you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip.

Why did they call off the leper hockey game?

There was a face-off in the corner.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.