Disability jokes
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.
The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.
They called the song “Helen Keller.”
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
Your mum stinks of disabled people.
Wanna know why?
I don't know either, you tell me.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Why are disabled people screwed?
Because you can't run or hide!
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.