Disability jokes
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
Why can't there be a gay disabled person?
Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.