Dinner jokes

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."

What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?

Survival Guilt.

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.

So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

How many babies does it take to make dinner?

Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.

What is the difference between a tree house for dinner, and dinner with you today after school?

You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

His shoulder.

What is a definition of tight?

A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."

What did the skeleton say after dinner?

Bon appétit!

How do you quiet a baby down?

Make baby back ribs for dinner.

Why did the girl not eat her dinner?

because she has an eating disorder.

What is the difference between a human and a magic house, and what do I have for dinner?

What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?

Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!

I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.