Dinner jokes

What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?

Poutine with Russian dressing!

Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?

Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."

One man's pet is another man's dinner.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

My asian neighbors dinner.

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?

Family restaurants.

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't, they just eat out.

What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?

Mashed potatoes.

Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

What is a government mandate?

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because KFC was offering free seeds.

I believe in a woman's right to choose...

...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.

What did the plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me! 😂