Difference jokes
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?
Not much difference.
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
What's the difference between a girl and a toy? There is no difference because you play with both anyway.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
What is the difference between cunnilingus and a confused Parisian tourist?
One lapses into French, the other Frenches into laps.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
What was the difference between the Federal Republic of Germany and the German Democratic Republic?
Federal Republic: The harder you work, the more you get.
Democratic Republic: The harder you work, the firmer the handshake and nothing else.
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at three hoes.
What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.
What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?
They lower you.
What's the difference between a duck?
One of its legs are both the same!
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is usually a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.