Difference jokes
What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
Who I wish I was
What's the difference between humans and mushrooms? I don't like eating mushrooms.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
What’s the difference between a whale and Lizzo?
Absolutely nothing.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
What's the difference between an orphan and a toy?
One is played with.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?
A. Neither does R. Kelly.
What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?
One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
What is the difference between Fortnite and PUBG?
I don't know.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?
The fridge actually runs.