Die jokes

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.

Girlfriend's ex: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.

Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.

Juice WRLD really died, then how is he posting videos today?

This is how to die soft 101.

Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!

History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.

Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?

A: “Holes gonna be big.”

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Cause he would never look both ways.

So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.

Man: Die, potato!

Potato: *screams*

I like trains.

Kid: I like trains.

Man: No, wait!

Train: *kills man*

Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻

Why did the rooster cross the road?

To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^