Diesel jokes

Do your buses run on time?

No, they run on diesel.

What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?

Survival Guilt.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.

What actor does an orphan hate?

Vin Diesel.

I’m going to be scared of diesel.

What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?

Vin Diesel has family.

What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?

Vin Diesel actually has family.

Who is Tracy Latimer's least favourite actor?

Vin Diesel.

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018

Sniff a liter of petrol. You'll go back to the dream time at.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.

Q: What's stronger than family?

A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."