Diesel jokes

Who is Tracy Latimer's least favourite actor?

Vin Diesel.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.

What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?

Vin Diesel actually has family.

What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?

Vin Diesel has family.

I’m going to be scared of diesel.

Do your buses run on time?

No, they run on diesel.

Q: What's stronger than family?

A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."

What actor does an orphan hate?

Vin Diesel.

What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?

Survival Guilt.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

Sniff a liter of petrol. You'll go back to the dream time at.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.