Die jokes
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
What do you call a blind person driving a car?
Died.
The West is dying...just like the romance of an empire, especially the western part of the empire. Funny that, 'cause the East was going strong.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
Bick: Jesus isn't real.
Ron: Yes, He is.
Bick: Prove it, bitch.
Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.
Bick: Wh-?
Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!
The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.
Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.
Bick: Told you Jesus was real.
Satan: Get to work, slaves.
Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot.
This is bullshit! Stop showing cheesy and dumb jokes! This website is for dark humor, insults, and morbid content! All of you who don’t talk about the following, go die!
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
I got jealous when my phone died.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?
The steering wheel.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."