Die jokes

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.

Me: What? Am I dying?

Doctor: No, your wife is.

Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?

They don't have parents to protect them.

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

The West is dying.

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.

Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.

Dwarfism is a growing problem.

Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.

He jumped off a curb stone.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

The West is dying...just like the romance of an empire, especially the western part of the empire. Funny that, 'cause the East was going strong.

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.

Girlfriend's ex: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

Bick: Jesus isn't real.

Ron: Yes, He is.

Bick: Prove it, bitch.

Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.

Bick: Wh-?

Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!

The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.

Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.

Bick: Told you Jesus was real.

Satan: Get to work, slaves.

Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.

This is how to die soft 101.

Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?