Didnt jokes
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"
I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.
I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
Your mom is so fat when she skipped a meal, the whole stock market crashed.
Your mom is so fat she tripped, and I didn’t even laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Saw that shit on Roblox.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.
Joke: Why did the gym close down?
– It just didn’t work out.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Titanic didn't sink by an iceberg.
Titanic sank by 100000000000000000000000 Titanics.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
Most states: "It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends." Alabama: "She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."
Your hairline is so far back that I didn’t know you had a hairline.
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
I asked a kid why he was so blue.
Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.
You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!