Depression Jokes

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

What do you call my sister?

Suicidal.

Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

I don’t struggle with depression, at this point I’ve got it down. I’m good at depression.

I can’t wait for collage....

5 min later, ight I’m gonna go kill myself.

How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

I only have 4 moods:

• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

and don't forget the inevitable

• fuck it

and for those who have just given up

• fuck

This is beautiful.

What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.

What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.

I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.

I like Cheetos.

My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."

Why did the depressed kid cross the road?

To get hit by a car.