Depression jokes

You're more depressing than your own abortion video.

When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.

Depressed person: *chokes on food*

*involuntary coughs until they can breathe*

"AWWW! I failed the race!"

Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use.

Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.

It's not good without the cheese.

I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.

Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.

DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:

* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck

I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.

It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️

Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"

*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"

Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"

Responder: "Please hang on!"

I keep hearing "Obesity kills."

My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"

What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?

I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.

Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.