Depression jokes

Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.

GTA 6

I got sad today.

Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.

Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.

It’s called Trycoxagain.

Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?

Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.

Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

What do us emos all have in common?

Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."

How do you lift a depressed person up?

No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!