Depression jokes
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.
What do you say to a depressed special kid?
“Why so down?”
What is an emo kid's favorite song?
"Chain Hang Low" because he hangs low off a chain tied to a tree.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.
The tree left him hanging though.
I can't fake the smile for long, as there is weight hanging at both of its ends called depression.
I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.
ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!