Depression jokes

Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."

- Charlie Chaplin

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

Why can't dwarfs be depressed?

Because they are compressed.

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?

The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.

OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.

ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?

It left him hanging.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.

Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.

What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?

It left him hanging.

Hi, I'm Depraashin.

Hi, I'm rope. May I hang with you guys?

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.