Death jokes

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."

I was going to tell a dead baby joke...

I decided to abort.

I just killed a family of five.

Now I’m an orphan.

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?

Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎

Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?

Because Paul Walker crashed into it.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw it.

Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.

Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?

Everywhere.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because he forgot to plug in the charger.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He ran out of battery life.

I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.

I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

How do you make a plumber sad?

You kill his family.

When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.

What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!