Death jokes
Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
Memes
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.
How do you make a plumber sad?
You kill his family.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He ran out of battery life.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.