Death jokes
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To die on the other side.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike.
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.