Death jokes

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.

B is for Basil assaulted by bears.

C is for Clara who wasted away.

D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.

E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.

F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.

G is for George smothered under a rug.

H is for Hector done in by a thug.

I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.

J is for James who took lye by mistake.

K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.

L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.

M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.

N is for Neville who died of ennui.

O is for Olive run through with an awl.

P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.

Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.

R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.

S is for Susan who perished of fits.

T is for Titus who flew into bits.

U is for Una who slipped down a drain.

V is for Victor squashed under a train.

W is for Winnie embedded in ice.

X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.

Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

Why did the feminist kill herself?

Because she was TRIGGERED.

I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.

Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.

Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.

Are you a toaster?

'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(

Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?

Only the wife was hung up.

I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"

Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.

How do you make a builder cry?

Kill his family.

I wanted to play as Kobe Bryant on my gaming console, but the game kept crashing.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?

Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck if my computer crashes.