Death jokes

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

Why did the feminist kill herself?

Because she was TRIGGERED.

I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.

Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.

Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.

Are you a toaster?

'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?

Only the wife was hung up.

Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.

I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"

How do you make a builder cry?

Kill his family.

I wanted to play as Kobe Bryant on my gaming console, but the game kept crashing.

What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?

Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck if my computer crashes.

Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?

To drown herself.

I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.