Death jokes
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
Memes
hehehe
I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
I wanted to play as Kobe Bryant on my gaming console, but the game kept crashing.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.
Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?
To drown herself.
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Why'd the orphan cross the road? He was told his parents were on the other side.
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.