Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?
To drown herself.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Why'd the orphan cross the road? He was told his parents were on the other side.
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
