Death jokes
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.