Death Jokes

Why did the feminist kill herself?

Because she was TRIGGERED.

What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?

Paul Walker’s Porsche.

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.

Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?

Only the wife was hung up.

Are you a toaster?

'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.

Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?

Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.

Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.

Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.

Me: ...

How do you make a builder cry?

Kill his family.

I wanted to play as Kobe Bryant on my gaming console, but the game kept crashing.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck if my computer crashes.

Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?

To drown herself.

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

Why did the depressed kid cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.

"Most Deadly Sport"

Playing chicken with a train!

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.

Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.