Death jokes

Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...

I accidentally said, "Go cry to your mom," to an orphan. 😭

My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?

They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"

Question: How did the cat cross the river?

Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.

Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.

My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin.

Why did the child die? To see God, our father.

What happened when the man died? Yes.

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To cut through traffic.

Orphans don’t have parents, lol.

I would tell a joke, but I’m sad my dad died in 9/11. He’s the greatest pilot that went down with the Twin Towers.

Why can't Kobe go shopping?

He's dead.