Death jokes
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
Where do orphans have their family reunions?
The graveyard.
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
Congratulations to Avicii for passing his 3-day milestone of sobriety!
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
I love my family when they're buried alive.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
Prince, don't die! Just don't! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaasse!
Someone dies.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!