Death jokes
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
Technoblade would love it here.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a dead pedophile? Nothing.
Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.