Death

Death jokes

Orphan

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: Damn.

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Students: Your parents!

Susie

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

  • 1
  • Baby

    What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

    A baby with burst armbands.

    Hammer

    Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

    COVID-19

    Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."

    Boy

    I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.

    Superman

    A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

    The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

    Blonde

    What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

    Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

  • 5
  • Child

    How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

    More than ten, apparently.

  • 0
  • Goldfish

    I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

    Cock

    My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.