Death jokes
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.