Death jokes

A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.

After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.

After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

What's red and spins really fast?

Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"

Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."

You learn from the best.

My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He wiped.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both like cracking open a cold one.

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."

What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?

Billy's jeans.

A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.

Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.

Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.

I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The Grim Sweeper.

Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?

A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.