Death jokes

Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.

But he nailed that mountain.

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.

What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?

A bonnet.

Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.

We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.

Go commit Thanos finger snap.

what do you call a baby in an oven?

my next meal.

Rust in peace.

There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.

It crashed in a cemetery.

They recovered 500 bodies.

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

I can tell a joke :)

Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.

After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.

After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both like cracking open a cold one.

My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He wiped.

What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The Grim Sweeper.

What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?

Billy's jeans.