Death

Death jokes

Missile

A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.

Suicide

I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.

Grandma

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

Life Support

My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.

Suicide

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

Mum

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Hang

Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"

Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."

You learn from the best.

God

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

Kobe

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.