Death Jokes

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.

Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both like cracking open a cold one.

saddest youtube comment :(

A text-based image displaying a story in a format similar to a forum post. It starts with the user detailing an event from when they were younger where their mom and sister had gone out to get groceries, and they were doing chores. While doing chores, they watched the news and saw a report of a local woman and daughter getting killed in a car accident. They then write about finding a note from their mom telling them they could play their game console before she came back. The post ends with them mentioning she never came home.

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.

My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"

Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."

You learn from the best.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He wiped.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

What's yellow and can't swim?

A dead goldfish.

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.

But he nailed that mountain.

Why can't dinosaurs clap?

Because they're dead.

What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.

A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."