A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."
I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
Rust in peace.
