Death jokes
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
He's dead.
I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."
Philza: PUT THE ORPHAN DOWN TECHNOBLADE- NO DON-
Technoblade: R.I.P orphan
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!
Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?
Nothing, they both can’t breathe.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
I usually tell jokes about Kobe, but they usually crash and burn.
What fell out of the tree first, the apple or the emo?
The apple, the emo was caught by the rope.
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.
What makes a child an orphan?
Their parents left them for good. :D
Rape victim: I want to die.
Man: Hang in there.
Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.
Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”