All you need is a razor blade in life.
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?
A bonnet.
Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
What's an Emo's favorite drink?
Water, JK it's cyanide.
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?
An Indian person is burnt after death.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
My grandfather said I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
