What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
What's an Emo's favorite drink?
Water, JK it's cyanide.
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?
An Indian person is burnt after death.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
My grandfather said I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope.
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
