Death jokes

Digging stuff up is too hard.

I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.

If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...

I thought it was polite to open the door for a lady, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.

What's an Emo's favorite drink?

Water, JK it's cyanide.

Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.

But he nailed that mountain.

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.

what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.