Death jokes
Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...
Memes
I thought it was polite to open the door for a lady, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
What's an Emo's favorite drink?
Water, JK it's cyanide.
I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.
I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
Rust in peace.
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.