Death jokes
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
Memes
It works, my brother has never slept better
I thought it was polite to open the door for a lady, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.
I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
What's an Emo's favorite drink?
Water, JK it's cyanide.
If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
Rust in peace.
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...