Go commit Thanos finger snap.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still donβt care.
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: Thatβs as close as they can get to dye.
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I donβt like graveyards.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
