Go commit Thanos finger snap.
Death Jokes
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
Rust in peace.
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still donβt care.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: Thatβs as close as they can get to dye.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.
