Death jokes
I should probably stop making abortion jokes.
After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.
BRAKING NEWS!
Little Johnny's dead!
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's grave?
"Rust in peace."
Slit your wrists.
This is crazy! Little Johnny died!
Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
Are you with Alex?
Fucking retarded. Go dig a home die, people!
Why can’t orphans f*ck their mom?
Because they don’t have one.
Yo people!
Little Johnny's actually dead!
A guy was doing bad things and died and went to hell.
Demon: Why you sad?
Guy: I’m in hell, can’t you see?
Demon: Well, we have fun here at hell.
Guy: Really? Nice.
Demon: We do sleeping in on Mondays.
Guy: OoOoOo
Demon: Tuesdays we swim in our lava or dive in fire. If you die, you’re already dead ☠️
Guy: Ok, does that mean I’m a ghost?
Demon: No, you're not a ghost.
Demon: Wednesdays we do a dance party and smoke and drink 🍺
Guy: Ooooooo, I can’t wait 😜
Demon: Thursdays we drink all day until we throw up and die, and you're already dead, remember that?
Guy: Ok, but I am dead, and if I die again, I was already dead, right?
Demon: Yup.
Demon: I have a question: Are you gay, and do you like kissing fire girls, and if you die, you are already dead?
Guy: Ummm, I am not gay, and I don’t like kissing fire girls 😱😱😱
Demon: Then you won’t like Friday or Saturday or Sunday, heheh.
Guy: I’m dead for real in the hell 🪦🏴☠️☠️☠️💀
Hell helll helll R.I.P hell is gone for now.
Me: The man sleeped in a $200 bed in His hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coffin?
My friend: They're cheaper at Costco.
Me: Oh shit, you're going to have "fun" this weekend.
When Stephen Hawking died, I assume his computer crash caused it.
Why did the koala fall off the tree? Because it was dead, DUHHHHHHHHHHH!
Stan Lee walked into a school one day.
Just kidding, he's fuckin dead :(
What’s the difference between a pile of corpses and a Mclaren P1?
I don’t have a garage.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.