Death jokes
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Diana can't stop either.
You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.
What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?
Put a flower on their gravestone.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
That's why your grandma 6 ft deep, feet!
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
His parents were on the other side!
What do Batman and orphans have in common?
Their parents died.
An emo kid in a leaf falls from a tree. Who falls first? Delete the rope, stop the emo.
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.