Death jokes
I found a child on the street homeless, and they were really nice, so I took them home. Then I said, "Who's better, Biden or Trump?" They said they support Trump. They are now dead in my basement and have been for 3 years.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
Because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt.
I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?
Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...
I think Jesus is broken.
How does Helen Keller smell?
Pretty bad, she's dead!
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
What did the chicken say after he died? Nothing.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
That's why your grandma 6 ft deep, feet!
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?
Put a flower on their gravestone.
What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
His parents were on the other side!
An emo kid in a leaf falls from a tree. Who falls first? Delete the rope, stop the emo.