Death jokes
I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
What do Batman and orphans have in common?
Their parents died.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
His parents were on the other side!
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
An emo kid in a leaf falls from a tree. Who falls first? Delete the rope, stop the emo.
Desmend: FLY
Draco: FLY
Me: DIE
People named Joey are autistic and need to die fatty.
Why did the baby cross the road? Because he wanted to die.
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.
Stephen Hawking died because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because his ethernet cable disconnected.
Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?
Because he was dead.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
A: A Lamborghini isn't a very fun hobby.
Once a bird went to search for food. Then suddenly he saw grain on a road. When he saw a bullock cart, he said, "That's too far away." Then the bullock immediately came, and the king bird came, and the deceitful bird said, "Sorry, Majesty, I was wrong to eat this on the road." And then he died, and the king bird goes back and tells everybody about it.