Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?
Silicon Valley.
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
What do you call a flat-chested emo? A cutting board.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
