Body Image

Body Image Jokes

Scar

Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.

Walmart

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

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  • Man

    A fat man meets a skinny man.

    The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

    And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

    Skinny

    Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

    My friend: Chunky dunks.

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  • Space

    What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?

    Silicon Valley.

    Stomach

    What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.

    Marriage

    New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

    Self Harm

    You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

    Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

    Plastic

    What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?

    They both have plastic in them.

    Tattoo

    I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.

    McDonald's

    Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"

    Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"

    Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."

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  • Donald Trump

    Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.

    Mermaid

    A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

    As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"