Body Image jokes

Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

I know five fat people, and you're three of them.

My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.

What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?

Silicon Valley.

What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.

Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?

They both have plastic in them.

What do you call a flat-chested emo? A cutting board.

Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"

Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"

Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."

Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.

I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.

The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."