Death jokes
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
A: A Lamborghini isn't a very fun hobby.
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Diana can't stop either.
I killed myself, then woke up.
I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?
Put a flower on their gravestone.
What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
That's why your grandma 6 ft deep, feet!
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
Why did the orphan cross the road?
His parents were on the other side!
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”