Death jokes

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?

I don't have a Porsche in the garage.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.

I still remember the last thing Gaster said before he kicked the bucket, it was, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" (Sans)

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.

Oh wait.

You fool!

This joke is unavailable due to the National Period of Mourning. Please return to this page on the 19th of September.

R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.

My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.

Why doesn't Batman have super vision?

His parents died.

How do you know when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?

The depressay expressay.

Just kidding, bleach!

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.