Death jokes

"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."

Going in a military.

The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"

Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.

Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!

Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...

Q: Why did the teacher die?

A: Because he hated his life.

One time there was a squirrel who died.

It was funny because the squirrel got dead.

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

How did Sally die?

She got shot.

What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?

There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.

He went too far away from the wall, and he got unplugged.

Stephen Hawking didn't die, he got sucked up by the black hole then got sent to the large charger in the sky.

Stephen Hawking is ALIVE!

I lost $10,000, so I killed my piggy bank, so I get a real pig and money which my money is fake, but the janitor said it is real, so I killed myself and turned into a real human.

1) Did you hear the one about the school shooting? Actually, I better not... You wouldn't understand, it's aimed more towards a younger audience.

2) 6 was scared cuz 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9/11.

3) 10 dead babies.

At an orphan's funeral, you say, "Your dad came back."

I can’t wait for collage....

5 min later, ight I’m gonna go kill myself.

I would tell a joke, but I’m sad my dad died in 9/11. He’s the greatest pilot that went down with the Twin Towers.

POV: Orphans rule the world.

God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.

The orphan: Waaaaaa!

Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?

No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!

Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?