Death jokes
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
Your mom so ugly that Paul Walker died.
What’s the difference between a computer and Paul Walker? I give a crap when my computer crashes.
My dog died.
Why can’t orphans have a horse?
Because they run away like their mum did.
Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?
He killed his mom and then fucked her.
A man walked into a fleshlight and died.
Philza: PUT THE ORPHAN DOWN TECHNOBLADE- NO DON-
Technoblade: R.I.P orphan
The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.
Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.
The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.
Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.
The person I hate: Rood.
Me: Shut up.
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
Never kill an orphan, because then that will end their misery.
When your cousin who has a lisp died from the impostor in Among Us,
"THE IMPASTA KILLED MEH!"
An apple and an emo kid fell from a tree, which one hit the ground?
The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? Because he's slightly ginger.
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT