Death jokes
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
Why don't skeletons play music at the church?
Because they don't have any organs.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
Steven Hawking lost the Wi-Fi connection on March 14, 2018.
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died was because he saw the end.
What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead.
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: "Happy birthday to you..., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear
Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!"
Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.
Anyone know what happened?
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Your dick is as flat as your grandma's heart rate.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?
Dead chicken and dead cow.