Death jokes
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?
Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.
The death of JFK must have splattered on the news.
Why did Kenny die?
Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?
Beethoven composed his whole life.
What did he do in the afterlife? He decomposed! Har har har har har har.
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
What does a skeleton say when he has lots of work?
"I have a ton of work, skele-ton."
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To prove he had guts! :)
Stephen Hawking, rest in PC World.
What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?
"Restore factory settings."
Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.