Death jokes
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
Your Nan is dead.
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
Memes
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
Look, it's the dead center of town!
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone not here?
Student: Yes, your parents.
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.
Who were the fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 95 stories in 10 seconds.
What did the people do to the deceased after tests?
They bari-um.
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To prove he had guts! :)
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
What does a skeleton say when he has lots of work?
"I have a ton of work, skele-ton."
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."