Death jokes
What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?
They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.
I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
"Windows shut down sound."
Teacher: Tim, where are your parents? It's been 15 minutes!
Tim (Orphan): Yeah um, they can't come.
Teacher: Why not?
Tim: They're too busy working in heaven.
What's the difference between Jordan and George Floyd? Jordan had air.
What’s the worst thing to happen to an orphan?
Well, they weren’t always orphans.
Orphan: Help, I'm lost.
Someone: Wears your parents.
Orphan: >:(
What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
Why did the chicken cross the road? To become roadkill.
Who were the fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 95 stories in 10 seconds.
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
Look, it's the dead center of town!
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.