Death jokes
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
All you need is a razor blade in life.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white...?
A dead nun rolling down a hill.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
"What the fuck is in this drink?"
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
I heard Microsoft got charged, why?
They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
What do you call a fly without wings? Dead.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.