Death jokes
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
Your Nan is dead.
Top 10 anime deaths
Why did the orphan cross the road and stop in a lane? To get run over.
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”
Son: “To the playground?”
Mom: “No, to the morgue.”
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?
They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.