Death jokes

I have a body count of 7.

I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.

My dad was one hell of a pilot.

Grandpa was a hell of a planner.

Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?

Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

Your Nan.

WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!

This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)

I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.

Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.

What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."

The other man says, "How do you know?"

The other man says, "Because she is dead."

Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.

Just to an orphan.

Orphan: You're stupid.

You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.

Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday!

Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?

A: The dead body had a family.

What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume.

What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?

You end up doing all the work.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

......

My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.

Yo mama was so fat, the Earth was flat before they put your mama in a grave.

What’s the difference between Diana and Casper the ghost?

Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.

Why didn't the skeleton follow his dreams? He was too gutless.

I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?

Kurt Cobain's microphone.