Death jokes
This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)
Ammon died.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.
My dad was one hell of a pilot.
Grandpa was a hell of a planner.
Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?
Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
Technoblade never got a wife.
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
What do you call a pig that goes to the slaughterhouse? Technoblade.
So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? Because he got bummed too hard in the shower.
What falls quicker off a tree? The leaf or the emo?
The leaf, because the emo is stopped by the rope.
I asked my mother about her mom.
She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.
His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.
What fell first, the emo kid or the leaf? The leaf, 'cause the emo kid just hung.