Death jokes

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?

They said, "Allahu Akbar."

The granddaughter wanted to see granny. She killed herself.

How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.

My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.

Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.

What do you tell someone who has depression?

Answer: Just hang in there.

My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.

There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.

Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

More than 9 because my basement is still dark.

I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.

Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

The man who invented Velcro died.

RIP.

What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.

It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.