Death jokes
Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.
I'm going to hell!
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
Man dies.
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.
Ama is a bitch. I want him to die and kill himself.
My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
Steven Hawking lost the Wi-Fi connection on March 14, 2018.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.