Death jokes
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
Why was Kobe a good father?
He took his daughter with him.
"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!
I ate my mom.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.
Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.
Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.
I'm going to hell!
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
What helped the Lakers win the Finals? Kobe's passing!
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
Man dies.
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.