My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.
Death Jokes
What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"
Miscarriage.
Stephen Hawking did not die; he deleted himself.
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
Where did the mushroom kill himself?
In the mushroom.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger.
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
Error.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
