Death jokes
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
What did they do with his body when he died?
They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trashcans.
What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
What's Technoblade's actual Zodiac Sign?
Cancer!
The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
911 what's your emergency?
Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!
Operator: What happened!?
Me: She bit the tip.
Part 1: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.
Part 2: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.
Part 3: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.
Part 4: Guess what... two men were walking down the way when the second one fell in the sewers and died... The first one was lonely.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.