Death jokes
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
What's Technoblade's actual Zodiac Sign?
Cancer!
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
People say that they miss xxxtentacion, like the bullet didn’t.
The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!
911 what's your emergency?
Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!
Operator: What happened!?
Me: She bit the tip.
Part 1: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.
Part 2: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.
Part 3: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.
Part 4: Guess what... two men were walking down the way when the second one fell in the sewers and died... The first one was lonely.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
Haha, dead.
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
My mom died.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.