Death jokes

I hate these double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.

My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!

Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?

Getting your fingers stuck in there.

I'll turn ya nan into bonemeal.

How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end.

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?

Raped in Portugal!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a bus.

Roses are red, violets are blue, if you play Fortnite, then R.I.P. you.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.

Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?

Because Sally wrote the invitations!

I would tell a Koby joke...

But it would just crash and burn.

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.

Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.

Why are orphans sad?

Don't ask, or their parents may... oh wait, carry on.

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

How did Michael Jackson die?

Because he danced like a zombie!