Death jokes
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you play Fortnite, then R.I.P. you.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
Deku: Hey, Todoroki?
Shoto: Wht?
Deku: I just found out on the news that your dad froze to death. Do you know who did it?
Shoto: :)
What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
Cremation is my only hope for a hot, smoking body.
Stephen Hawking isn't really dead, he's just rebooting.
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
Why can't an orphan live peacefully?
Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?
They said, "Allahu Akbar."
Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."
The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."
First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"
Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."