Death jokes
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat-mate.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
How did the gay man die? Homicide.
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.
How does Helen Keller smell?
Pretty bad, she's dead!
What’s the best time to commit suicide?
8 a’glock in the morning.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldn’t really land well.