Death jokes
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.
I want to die.
What's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a car in my garage.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...