Death jokes
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.
He is dead.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"
That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
I asked an orphan where his parents were.
(God, I wish I knew)
I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.
She literally died a crazy bitch.
Suicide is never the answer.
Suicide is the question.
The answer is yes.
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...