Death jokes
I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
What do you call an orphan's parents?
Dead meat.
I still remember my grandpa's last words.
"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.