Death jokes

I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.

What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?

A black alien.

Kobe got irl canceled.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”

Why did the orphan dig six feet under?

To find his parents.

How do you know someone is going to die?

He can't stop coughing. (coffin)

Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"

I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."

I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.

What do you call an orphan's parents?

Dead meat.

I still remember my grandpa's last words.

"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

POV: You're an orphan.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your mom.

WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!

Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!