Death jokes
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had "no-body" to go with.
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
What's bigger than Kurt Cobain's head?
What do you mean? He doesn't have one.
I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road?
To slow down traffic!
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.